Intimidating.

Met with Dr. G, N's new psychiatrist.

(Writing this post retroactively.)

We arrived early to the appointmetn so ended up waiting for about 40 minutes to be seen, after Dr. G. ran long. He was warm and lovely and really informative for the first probably 25 minutes of the appointment. I really appreciated how transparent he was about showing us what was being put into N's record, what was bringing up the questions he'd ask, and how he didn't let anyone off the hook from answering right in the room. Overall I think medically he knows his shit and I'm glad to have his involvement in this way.

What was frustrating was after a bit of time he starts talking about how when it seems like N is in crisis, we need to ask the 'three questions' (Are you suicidal, do you have a plan, can you trust yourself?) I start to cry, I am feeling relief that we are all together and we have an ally, I feel safe enough to let my guard down a bit. I talk about how frustrating it is that we have to go home with a kid who has suicidal and homicidal ideations and the only tool we get to deal with that are three chintzy questions. He offers me a tissue and I decline. He says, "No, they're right there. Take one." I say, "No. Thank you. I'm good." I'm triggered by this interaction but not in a big way, it's just confusing.

A few minutes later I say to N how I want him to know how his dad and I aren't assuming that he's some sort of bad person because of these thoughts he's having, that we get it's just one color on the palette of his mental health, and that I don't want him to worry that we're thinking less of him. Dr. G stops me and says, "I'm going to interrupt you right there. (benevolent smile.) YOu were doing great, up until that last sentence."

"Um... excuse me?" I'm stunned.

"You were doing great up until that last thing you said. (pause...) Have you read How to Talk so Kids Will Listen, and Listen so Kids Will Talk?"

I'm incredulous. Is this guy telling me how to talk to my kid right now??! Oh yes, he was.

"You were doing great, up until you told him how to feel. You see, N can't just shut his feelings off or turn them on."

I'm livid. "I'm aware of that. We actually have stellar communication in my house and in that context I'm confident that N understands that I was not telling him how to feel."

"Well... but you just did. You said.."

etc.

#$@#$@#

After analyzing our interactions with each other, we got to hear about how he 'doesn't normally go this long but is taking a family therapy approach', which we did not consent to, nor did he mention at the beginning of the appointment. He interrupted, he silenced. He literally said that R and I are "intimidating... Am I right, N?" as if he knew exactly why N was not super communicative with us sometimes. He repeatedly said, "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen... check it out, it's good!" when he didn't like how we were communicating. He prescriped a medication to our son that he described as 'scary', and when I asked him very clearly what we were looking for as signs of progress, said, "Look. I'm trying to keep your son out of a mental hospital. Another doctor, with your son's symptoms, would have him admitted today."

Yeah? Fuck you, dickhole.

I was so angry I was shaking when I left. When we got up to leave he actually said to me, "I'm sorry I upset you." You're.... what?!

I'll show you intimidating.